The Space between Stimulus & Response - how to develop resilience

In this third blog on resilience, the topic is that of self-regulation.  

Essentially, it is about how you regulate your response to a stimulus or trigger event and is often automatic &  sub-conscious.  The types of events can appear small in nature but you may be surprised by your immediate response and try to make sense of your ‘over-reaction’.  Sometimes there can be major life events in which you may have one immediate response which is then followed, some time later, by another unexpected one.  

So how can you learn to regulate your response, so that you give yourself time; create a gap between stimulus and response.

Learning to 'let-go'

My story to illustrate how you respond to significant events was a number of years ago when I was made redundant whilst on maternity leave (my second child was only 3 weeks old!).  In the story I talk about  two timelines - my immediate emotional response - anger, hurt, disbelief and my response some 3 years later, when I was triggered out of the blue by something my manager said to me.  To listen to my full story and the explanation of how you can work with the space between the stimulus and response listen to our NED (Nimble Education Delivery - NAB Bank initiative) in 2017 - https://youtu.be/4tC26ITTZ-0

Why self-regulation is important for well-being

Let’s take a closer look at how self-regulation helps us in enhancing and maintaining a healthy sense of well-being.

Overall, there’s tons of evidence suggesting that those who successfully display self-regulation in their everyday behavior enjoy greater well-being. Researchers Skowron, Holmes, and Sabatelli (2003) found that greater self-regulation was positively correlated with well-being for both men and women.

The findings are similar in studies of young people. A study from 2016 showed that adolescents who regularly engage in self-regulatory behavior report greater well-being than their peers, including enhanced life satisfaction, perceived social support, and positive affect (i.e., good feelings) (Verzeletti, Zammuner, Galli, Agnoli, & Duregger).

Self-Regulation and the Workplace

For example, self-regulation is extremely important in the workplace. It’s what keeps you from lashing out at co-workers or your manager  when they are getting on your nerves, or from engaging in more socially unacceptable behaviours like falling asleep at your desk or stealing someone’s lunch from the office fridge.

Those with high self-regulation skills are better able to navigate the workplace, which means they are better equipped to obtain and keep jobs and generally outperform their less-regulated peers.

To help you effectively manage your emotions at work (and build them up outside of work as well), try these 3 tips:

1. Do breathing exercises (like mindful breathing);
2. Eat healthy, drink lots of water, and limit alcohol consumption;
3. Use self-hypnosis to reduce your stress level and remain calm;

If you have tried these approaches and you still feel you would like more help, with making better choices between the stimulus and response, so that you can thrive rather than just survive, then maybe working with a coach would help.  I certainly found it very helpful enabling me to be more aware of the responses I have and how I can make conscious choices for a better outcome.

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